Local councils "only obeying orders"

Government consulting with local councils over rural schools

I am very upset to be getting the blame for all this when I was only obeying orders.

Making the public aware of the true situation was like pulling teeth but it is now becoming widely understood how Nulabour were openly claiming to be supporting rural schools while quietly scheming to shut them and deny responsibility.

The Building Schools for the Future policy was simply a front to transfer ownership and control of the school stock to the private sector and, of course, the private sector are not interested in rural schools, or indeed in the childrens acedemic, physical or emotional well-being.

Today George Salmon has shown he is not a true believer in the cause and torn up my proposals. I could see he didn't have it in him to deal with the worst of the troublemakers and make an example of them as I would have done. A few headmaster sackings for insubordination or leaking some fake pictures to the press would have shut them all up. Gag them I say. Make them realise that if they support the protests their schools and teachers will be the ones to suffer. It worked for the SS and it would have worked here.

Anyway, the government's hypocrisy has been exposed, the debate is national and the blame for all this is firmly back with Nulabour. I shall take a back seat for now and await new orders.

Don't think you have beaten me though. I shall come back and I shall come back smarter. While there are middle class parents demanding a good education for their children at the state's expense I will still have a job.

I'll be back.

Flowerpot Man speaks on Education Policy

Monty Don - Education Expert

Woke up this morning to hear Monty Don, that well known expert on children's education and digging holes, spouting forth about my proposals for Herefordshire schools on BBC Radio 4 Broadcasting House. Well I have a PhD and you have a spade Mr-Bloody-Monty-Don and I don't go on the radio to tell you how to dig a hole. Everyone thinks they're a doctor nowadays.

He was on the show to plug his TV show (and doubtless there will be a book deal and bespoke range of garden spades to follow). On reviewing the Sunday Papers he picked out a tiny story in an obscure paper to make his point. I mean, if there was a point to make it would have merited more than the paltry two pages, including the front page, in the Observer. Usual wishy-washy liberal whingeing about how, if the village school is shut, the next to follow would be the village shop. Hal-lo!! the Post Office and village shops have already been shut. Where does that leave your argument? Case won by Dr Mengele.

The two articles in the Observer dig up some Nu Labour promises to protect rural schools made in 1998. What is the point of that. Nu Labour had just won the 1997 election and wanted a second term. Of course they were going to make promises. Only a gullible idiot would have believed them. Wow - hold the front page - "Labour politician tells a lie." Not exactly news is it?

In case you noticed the multiple choice question I set, and maybe even voted, the answer is in the Observer articles (here and here). The whole quote is:

"Closing a village school can be a death blow to the community. I am announcing tough new protection for village schools. When a school closes, the village loses a vital focus. Children spend longer travelling to other schools. Young families will come under pressure to move elsewhere. School closures can have a knock-on effect on other services, like village shops, setting up a spiral of decline. This is what we want to stop."

Very perceptive don't you think? In light of what is now happening you might get a surprise to see who said it. Go on- read the article.

Al-Menghini speaks to the nation

Education department spokesperson

The parents, children and teachers of Herefordshire are fully supportive of my proposals to shut rural schools. The alleged opposition was exaggerated by the infidel Western media. These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying. There was no meeting in Bromyard. This was just an illusion. The so-called protesters are lackeys of the middle class pushy parents and teaching establishment. The good people of Herefordshire appreciate the sensitive and thoughtful way I have planned the improvement of the dire educational standards in this county. They know that I will win and the schools should be closed.
Wyebridge is a flickering light of excellence in the cesspit of Herefordshire's schools. That is why students from throughout the county fight to achieve a place and parents bid up property prices in the South Wye part of the city. Soon we will give all the students in Herefordshire a chance to attend Wyebridge, not just the lucky ones.

Where is that ****ing cow?

Dr Menghini visits local school

I've heard a number of people enquire as to my whereabouts recently and express surprise that I haven't appeared at any public meetings to justify my proposals. Some have even suggested that I had a skiing trip booked to start immediately after I announced my plans.

You cynical bunch of sheep molesters. I've been diligently working on your behalf in Herefordshire with not a thought for my own comfort and safety. Why, here is a picture of me visiting a local school and playing with the lovely children.

In the meantime my charismatic crack team from the Education Department are touring the schools involved in my closure plans and reporting back that, once they have had a chance to present the facts, everyone has been fully supportive of my proposals and can't wait to see my plans for the Sir Gordon Brown Academy of Political Indoctrination and Richard Branson/Virgin Centre of Higher Education and Txt Msg.

Now that my work in Herefordshire is almost over I suppose I should start thinking about moving on. I'm told there is a school near Windsor which is housed in unsuitable old buildings and does not meet the government directive for a wide range of vocational qualifications. It also sends a disproportionately high number of its pupils to Oxford and Cambridge so denying university places to the more deserving. There must be a sink school in Slough I could "amalgamate" Eton with.

Roast Salmon

Mengele in Disguise

Attended the public meeting at Lady Hawkins School in Kington this evening and only just arrived home. Had to go in disguise. No one recognised me. If they had I would have been lynched.

George Salmon got a proper roasting. Poor George looked like a broken man and let it slip he might not be the one coming back to continue the consultation in April. Nice of him to take all the flak for me. Especially since any idiot could see those pictures I have of him with the sheep are faked.

Councillor Terry James sat at the front like a beached whale and claimed that the only consultation over the proposed closures that had taken place was with the headmaster of Wyebridge College. Since he stands to gain from the proposals it's not altogether surprising he supported them. If Councillor James carries on blagging and revealing our methods the public might begin to doubt our integrity. We wouldn't want that would we? Not unless we want the brakes on his car to inexplicably fail. Driving on Herefordshire roads can be ever so dangerous.

Latest news: No one anywhere responsible ever - official

"Its your fault"

Still lying low today as the finger of blame seeks out its target.

The Conservative-run local council initially claimed they knew nothing about the school closure proposals. This is nonsense of course but would have landed me in it up to my neck as I would have been acting illegally to announce the closures without the cabinet's agreement. Now council leader Roger Phillips admits that he might have known something about it but didn't see the details: too drunk and lazy to read it more like.

Being a Conservative Council obviously means Bill Wiggin, the local Conservative MP, can't be too critical and a number of people are claiming this is the Conservatives' fault. Meanwhile no one notices that the real cause of all this is Nu Labour's need to reward their political supporters and party donors with lucrative building and financing deals. Under the Building Schools for the Future policy (BSF), private companies are given public money to build and run schools for profit. Obviously, there is more money to be made running one big school instead of lots of little ones. An added incentive is that those rural schools are sitting on a goldmine of building land which the council would have no trouble selling. Especially now that the rural population is increasing. With my track record of success in closing rural schools all over the West Midlands, it's no wonder they were willing to pay top dollar to bring me in.

Now it looks like it would suit everyone to blame me. Still, a contract is a contract and if I am to go it will cost them dearly. After all I was only obeying orders.

If they want to finger Mengele they're going to have to pay for the privilege. This worked for me behind the bike sheds and it will work for me again now.

Betrayed!

Trouble in Hereford

Schh.... I'm at an undisclosed location tonight, blogging by the dim light of a single candle.

The day started well enough but this morning my executive planning meeting was interrupted by the sound of shouting outside. I put down my chocolate Hobnob and went over to the window. The council offices had been surrounded by the crowd in the photo above. I just managed to get this picture on my mobile before the script of a school panto wrapped around a brick came flying in my direction. The panto was Hansel and Gretel and some wag had substituted my name for the old hag that ate children.

I rallied my education executive team and distributed baseball bats and knuckle-dusters. With myself at the lead we burst out into the street to confront the rabble. This proved to be a mistake on my part because, no sooner had I left the safety of our Council Control Bunker, the steel doors slammed behind me and I realised I was on my own. My team had betrayed me and had run back inside.

I was quickly surrounded by the mob. One of them had brought a rope and, having tied one end to the overhanging branch of a tree, was tying a noose at the other. As they closed in on me I bared my teeth and let out a menacing growl. They stepped back in surprise just as George Salmon's voice boomed out from the bunker. "The schools review was to be suspended." "The statistics would be re-examined." "The headmasters would be consulted." "The people would be listened to."

Over my dead body! While the mob was frozen in disbelief, I made my escape.

Tonight the skies above Hereford are red and the air acrid with the smoke of a thousand burning effigies of me. I can hear dancing and singing to the music of the Wurzels from villages in deepest Herefordshire. The Yokels are celebrating tonight. Next September we'll see an increase in births.

I'm going to lie low for a few days. See how it pans out. I have my ticket for Argentina booked just in case.
If it quietens down I'll sneak back into work and see if I can pin the blame on George. I'll say it was his idea all along. If that doesn't work he's going to have to give me a glowing reference if he is ever going to get rid of me. Maybe even a golden handshake at the expense of the bumpkins LOL.