Trouble in HerefordSchh.... I'm at an undisclosed location tonight, blogging by the dim light of a single candle.
The day started well enough but this morning my executive planning meeting was interrupted by the sound of shouting outside. I put down my chocolate Hobnob and went over to the window. The council offices had been surrounded by the crowd in the photo above. I just managed to get this picture on my mobile before the script of a school panto wrapped around a brick came flying in my direction. The panto was Hansel and Gretel and some wag had substituted my name for the old hag that ate children.
I rallied my education executive team and distributed baseball bats and knuckle-dusters. With myself at the lead we burst out into the street to confront the rabble. This proved to be a mistake on my part because, no sooner had I left the safety of our Council Control Bunker, the steel doors slammed behind me and I realised I was on my own. My team had betrayed me and had run back inside.
I was quickly surrounded by the mob. One of them had brought a rope and, having tied one end to the overhanging branch of a tree, was tying a noose at the other. As they closed in on me I bared my teeth and let out a menacing growl. They stepped back in surprise just as George Salmon's voice boomed out from the bunker. "The schools review was to be suspended." "The statistics would be re-examined." "The headmasters would be consulted." "The people would be listened to."
Over my dead body! While the mob was frozen in disbelief, I made my escape.
Tonight the skies above Hereford are red and the air acrid with the smoke of a thousand burning effigies of me. I can hear dancing and singing to the music of the Wurzels from villages in deepest Herefordshire. The Yokels are celebrating tonight. Next September we'll see an increase in births.
The day started well enough but this morning my executive planning meeting was interrupted by the sound of shouting outside. I put down my chocolate Hobnob and went over to the window. The council offices had been surrounded by the crowd in the photo above. I just managed to get this picture on my mobile before the script of a school panto wrapped around a brick came flying in my direction. The panto was Hansel and Gretel and some wag had substituted my name for the old hag that ate children.
I rallied my education executive team and distributed baseball bats and knuckle-dusters. With myself at the lead we burst out into the street to confront the rabble. This proved to be a mistake on my part because, no sooner had I left the safety of our Council Control Bunker, the steel doors slammed behind me and I realised I was on my own. My team had betrayed me and had run back inside.
I was quickly surrounded by the mob. One of them had brought a rope and, having tied one end to the overhanging branch of a tree, was tying a noose at the other. As they closed in on me I bared my teeth and let out a menacing growl. They stepped back in surprise just as George Salmon's voice boomed out from the bunker. "The schools review was to be suspended." "The statistics would be re-examined." "The headmasters would be consulted." "The people would be listened to."
Over my dead body! While the mob was frozen in disbelief, I made my escape.
Tonight the skies above Hereford are red and the air acrid with the smoke of a thousand burning effigies of me. I can hear dancing and singing to the music of the Wurzels from villages in deepest Herefordshire. The Yokels are celebrating tonight. Next September we'll see an increase in births.
I'm going to lie low for a few days. See how it pans out. I have my ticket for Argentina booked just in case.
If it quietens down I'll sneak back into work and see if I can pin the blame on George. I'll say it was his idea all along. If that doesn't work he's going to have to give me a glowing reference if he is ever going to get rid of me. Maybe even a golden handshake at the expense of the bumpkins LOL.
3 comments:
Dr Mengele, obviusli zees bumpkin idiotz kannot unterstant simpul verds vrom Zentrol Kontrol. Ven iuhav vhipped yur offizas iumust givzem zees verds und prepar fur var:
Schools - Die konsentratink kampz verveevill kontinue zee ekschperimentz onderkidz.
Consultation - das schreekinkundschouten mit kussinkundschvering.
Statement of Principles - Mein Kampf ovkorschuvoolz!
Whitehall - Zentrul Kommarnd vichfundz zeekontrolt ekschperimentz onderkiddz.
Head Teachers - Die eksendibulz vitchvillorl beeschot.
School Governors - Die pompuschvoolz vot zinkzey kontrolzeeskoolz.
Parents - Das rifraf vervee getzeekidzvrum.
Performance Targets - Der egobooster und gudreezun vurschuting morteechurz.
Amalgamation - der klozinkov das hyperformink skoolz.
Ofsted - Zumzinkzattiz obscholeet nowzat veekanhav arownvay vivzee skoolz.
Traffic – Verveelet die gudkidzgo undplay.
Teachers Union - Die kommunistz und vinjing lefteez.
Teachers - Dumkopff mit notakloo votizgudfurdem.
Electric Shock - Zeebestvayto bekontrollink zeekidz and zumfinkzat duzitvurmi effritime.
Councillors - Die iknorruntpuppitz schittenonderfentz.
Cabinet - Das kroop ov nittwhitz vitchvillalldoovatzeyartoldorelz.
P.T.F.A. – Die kofpheedrinkien pfundraisen yakund torkinkrap.
Pension - Mein zeekretnestek.
Honourable Resignation - Zumzinkzat villneverkonzernmi.
Public Meeting - Der vhatderhellvozdatallabowt.
Her Goebels,
OK. Its funny and worth saying twice! Now you have so p!55 off!
Dr Mengele is already deep in her bunker trying to rewrite the proposals and then release them with a minimum of change... so understand this Mengele we are wise to your game and are not going to go away...the fight goes on despite the assurances of certain "nice" Tories.
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